i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
