I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
zippers are such a cool invention
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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