I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
