Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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