So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
