Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
