good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
