im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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