Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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