is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
