Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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