I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
