I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
People with herpes should wear stickers.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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