why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't put those talents on a resume
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
