Please, let me fuck your mom
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
