I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
