I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
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I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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