Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
