yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
