I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
