an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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