I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
