Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
