Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
