Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
