If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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