i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
