tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize