I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
