We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
