Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Why is your signature on my underwear?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
