apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
