theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
