Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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