i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
