My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
