I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
