I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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