U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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