Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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