he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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