I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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