Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
