so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We were destined to go to rehab together
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
