chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
