Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
