this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Randomize
