just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
