Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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