so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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