he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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