Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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