No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
