I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
