whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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