After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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