isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
