he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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