ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
