she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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