We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
