sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
