Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize