just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I need to align my fucking chakras
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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