These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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