I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
