I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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