we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
