walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
