hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
