I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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