i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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