I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
