You really coming over, don't trick.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
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