Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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