At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
