Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
not ubering you a puppy
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
