New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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