Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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