i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
