if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
