So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
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Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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