People in love make me want to vomit
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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