I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
